The Quiet Impact of Family

I knew my calling from the time I was about 9 or 10. I had been given prophesies, visions and I had that burning deep inside that only comes from the Holy Spirit. But then in life and in the process of growing up I, as we so often do, learned myself out of my personality, identity and personal calling. I eventually figured out that either I had made all those things up, or more likely, that God had changed His opinion of me. There was just no way that He still had the same interest in me. Let me tell you that I would still be in that place if it wasn’t for the quiet impact of family. Our problem with family is as Meagan often says, family isn’t shiny. Community isn’t flashy. Therefor it doesn’t occur to us that something so simple can have so much of a healing element to it. But my life, as unfinished as it is thus far, is proof of this very fact. The depth of my personal fractures reached back to my early childhood and stretched forward through my timeline to very recent traumas. Yes, I have seen therapists, and yes much healing has come through an intimate walk with the Holy Spirit. But I have to attribute the dramatic change in my recent years to the simplicity of living in close community with a small group of strong lovers of Jesus. Looking back is a powerful thing. Personally, I get a surge of gratitude and faith for the future when I can look back and remember a pin-pointed moment when something in my life shifted. Many times it is not until I am passed that moment that I become aware of what shifted. It’s not until looking back that I even know it WAS a shift and then have an idea of what changed specifically. I am so thankful to be in a place now to where I have a collection of these moments. The reason for many of them being community. One significant memory was during a time when requests for Gather to lead worship were filling up the schedule so it was decided that we would be splitting up into teams to make the schedule more manageable. One of the worship leaders requested me specifically. I remember shortly after being in my therapist’s office and telling her about the significance of being requested. She told me to meditate on what it would feel like to know that I belonged. Specifically, what I would feel like in my body to sit with a group of people knowing that I belonged. It sounds so commonplace, but at that time in my life belonging was a foreign sensation to me. Another occasion of casually spending as afternoon with Gather, one of the women in conversation quoted me from a comment I had made on a previous day. I remember I drove home crying that night overwhelmed that someone had heard me. Someone had listened to what I had to say and valued me enough to remember it. Again, so common place. But at that time, being heard and valued was a foreign feeling. A lack of value and love can only be healed by being loved. And being loved can only happen in the context of relationship. My family has been massively involved in church my entire life. But as I said, I thought God had changed His mind about me. I have never been so lonely as I was while being involved in church. I spent years praying for friendship. Then one day God answered, and let me tell you it was so effortless.  For some reason here in the western church we’ve grown so accustomed to life, ministry, personal growth, things in general being difficult. We seem to believe it to be the norm to work ourselves into the ground, spread ourselves too thing, press forward until we are red in the face and then keep doing so day in and day out for the foreseeable future. This seems to be how we do ministry, marriage, even times of worship. I’m not saying that we will never have to work for something, but I will say that I am finding that more often than not, walking with the Spirit is surprisingly easy. More often than not, God makes those shifts that change everything and to us it feels like rest. Rest is so powerful. Rest is when the Spirit takes over. Rest is when we operate in surrender and then we wake up one morning quoting psalms 126 saying, “I feel like I am living in a dream!” I remember that weekend, which was the first significant amount of time I had spent with this group called Gather. I spent most of the weekend in tears due to the combination of the presence of the Holy Spirit and the odd feeling of being completely accepted and loved for no apparent reason. I had not planned to join this family. It took no effort on my part. I’ve described it often by saying, it felt like I woke up one day and the Lord had plopped my husband and I down in this beautiful community. I am who I who I am today, unfinished but also more sure of myself than I can remember ever being, and 100% in acceptance of the plans God has for me because of the sharpening and healing sense of safety that comes with being in family. Family done excellently creates a safety net beneath the tight rope, so to speak. An assurance that empowers you to step out and take risks in growth because you are not alone. You are not alone, and you will be celebrated whether you fall or whether you make it across. I believe that this element of family is one of the reasons that lead to the chapter in Acts being ended in the statement, “And the Lord kept adding to their number daily.” Because earlier on in the chapter it describes them sharing what they had, daily gathering to worship, eat together. This lifestyle not only will grow us individually, but it will grow the body of Christ as people are drawn into the warmth of doing life together while as Hebrews 10 states, “discovering creative ways to encourage each other, motivating one another to acts of compassion and expressions of love. Not pulling away or neglecting to meet together but coming together even more frequently to urge each other onward as we anticipate that day dawning.” 

Hailey Gross 4/6/23